All right, guys. It's starting for real. Football season. I can't pretend any more, and I can't slack off, no matter how much time I spend mincing around in plays that literally no one will come to see, no matter how hard my husband tries to convince me that he is worth paying attention to, no matter how many sleepless nights I suffer worrying about getting my word count up.
Training camp starts this coming week, and it's time to get down to business. Real news is starting to happen. Nfl.com (my main source; check it out) has begun speculating about each team individually, and suddenly the amount of information I've been ignoring for the past six weeks has multiplied exponentially. It's time to get on the stick and see what a few key teams are getting up to in order to prepare.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS – It's vital that we take a look at the Saints because they won the Super Bowl last year, so they're currently the collective Kings of the Football Mountain. The main news story about the Saints is whether or not they will be able to win the Super Bowl again this year, and the consensus is: probably not, because it is very rare for a team to win two Super Bowls in a row. I just saved you a lot of non-actual-news reading. You're welcome.
MIAMI DOLPHINS – The Dolphins, as previously chosen, are “my” team (although I am seriously reconsidering this choice due to remembering how much I hate all things Floridian (also I still know basically nothing about the Miami Dolphins)). The thing to know about the Dolphins this year is that they have a new coach, and it is Mike Nolan. Nolan is famous for the “suit issue”-- Nolan's father was an NFL coach back in the days when looking classy was still a thing people did, so when Nolan Jr. was first appointed to be an NFL coach, he wanted to wear a suit on the sidelines as a tribute to his dad. This was not allowed, due to the fact that so few tailored suits bear NFL logos. They later decided to give Nolan a pass, and let him wear a suit on the sidelines twice a season. I have no idea whether or not he can coach.
BALTIMORE RAVENS – I thought I'd check up on the Ravens because of the books I've checked out of the library regarding the NFL, two of those books were coincidentally about the Ravens: The Blind Side (tangentially—the book is about Michael Oher's life previous to signing with the Ravens), and Next Man Up (entirely—John Feinstein Jr. followed the Ravens through their 2004 season). So I feel like I know a little bit about the Ravens. As it turns out, I do not. I think I know all of the individual words on their camp preview page, but together they make absolutely no sense to me. One thing I will says about the 2010 Ravens: Awesome, awesome names. Here are a few: Anquan Boldin, Lardarius Webb, Cam Cameron, Terrell Suggs. Full points for creativity, Raven moms!
DETROIT LIONS – The Detroit Lions are so well known for being consistently awful that even I know about it, so it's kind of fun to like them in an ironic, hipster kind of asshole way, but it's a tragedy for anyone who was like, born in Detroit and thus obligated to follow the Lions as their home team. The big question for the Lions this season is, will they stop sucking? My answer is that I certainly hope not, because comedy. The “experts” have written up an optimistic profile for the Lions on nfl.com, but it sounds like a company trying to convince its shareholders that their utter lack of profit is nothing to worry about. Oh wait. That's exactly what it is.
Mike Nolan will always have a special place in my heart. He was the defensive coordinator of the '96 Giants, who were an especially horrible football team.
ReplyDelete(Don't believe me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1996_New_York_Giants_season)
But on one glorious day, his defense managed to hold the convict-loaded, defending World Champion Cowboys to six points, beginning their demise that's lasted ever since.
In short, I think he can coach, but hasn't had the right opportunity yet. This is probably the best chance he'll ever have.
Maybe, but WILL HE WEAR A SUIT?
ReplyDelete